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I sense an essential change will have to come.
Friday, 19 September 2008 10:21I ought to be at work today, right now. However, I threw up at work yesterday, and have thrown up 3 times since I woke up at 8:15. Today is not a good day, by any stretch of the definition. What gets to me most, though, isn't that I'm sick; what gets me is that by calling off, I've put my boss in a bad spot as far as staffing the restaurant goes, and I hate disappointing him.
But since I am stuck here at home, I'm going to type this up.
Fact: I do not have many friends of color--at least not that I've met in person. Over the internet, I try not to make assumptions about things like color (or gender or sexual orientation or anything else). But in meatspace, I don't have many friends with a higher melanin content than me. I don't seek to avoid people; I'm more than willing to make conversation and get to know anyone who's willing to make conversation and get to know me. I grew up in an area with a lot of white people, I went to a small private Catholic school in both grade and high school, and there weren't a lot of PoC in my area for me to know. When I was in sixth grade (the only year she was at my school), Elisabeth was one of my best friends, and was from Paraguay. When I was in fifth grade, I decided I didn't like Brittany--not because of her skin color, but because my best friend chose her over me.
I don't have enough emotional spoons in my possession to waste my hatred on people who haven't personally harmed me and mine, so I've never comprehended things like racism, classism, sexism, and homophobia. That doesn't mean that I haven't internalized the -isms and phobias of the people around me, but I work hard to make sure that I don't act or think things that reflect whatever hatreds I've internalized. I AM voting for Senator Obama for president on November 4, and I hope like hell that Biden doesn't end up making decisions for this country--of all the running mates in the WORLD, I don't know why BIDEN of all people, but whatever, hopefully he's going to be able to deflect some of the crazy coming from the McCain camp.
The essential change I mention up in my subject line is this.
I try not to be a bigoted asshat. I try really hard.
But I think there must be something about me that gives the impression that it's okay to be a bigoted asshat around me, and as soon as I find out what that thing is, I'm KILLING IT. Because it is NOT OKAY WITH ME to do things like, for instance, telling me racist jokes and EXPECTING ME TO LAUGH. It is NOT OKAY to try and make me be complicit in your asshattery, and I'm motherfucking TIRED OF IT.
Please feel free to tell me what it is about me that makes people think that it won't bother me to be made complicit in other people's racist/sexist/classist/homophobic attitudes. I need to know, or I can't change it, because I don't want to be the person who attracts the asshats.
But since I am stuck here at home, I'm going to type this up.
Fact: I do not have many friends of color--at least not that I've met in person. Over the internet, I try not to make assumptions about things like color (or gender or sexual orientation or anything else). But in meatspace, I don't have many friends with a higher melanin content than me. I don't seek to avoid people; I'm more than willing to make conversation and get to know anyone who's willing to make conversation and get to know me. I grew up in an area with a lot of white people, I went to a small private Catholic school in both grade and high school, and there weren't a lot of PoC in my area for me to know. When I was in sixth grade (the only year she was at my school), Elisabeth was one of my best friends, and was from Paraguay. When I was in fifth grade, I decided I didn't like Brittany--not because of her skin color, but because my best friend chose her over me.
I don't have enough emotional spoons in my possession to waste my hatred on people who haven't personally harmed me and mine, so I've never comprehended things like racism, classism, sexism, and homophobia. That doesn't mean that I haven't internalized the -isms and phobias of the people around me, but I work hard to make sure that I don't act or think things that reflect whatever hatreds I've internalized. I AM voting for Senator Obama for president on November 4, and I hope like hell that Biden doesn't end up making decisions for this country--of all the running mates in the WORLD, I don't know why BIDEN of all people, but whatever, hopefully he's going to be able to deflect some of the crazy coming from the McCain camp.
The essential change I mention up in my subject line is this.
I try not to be a bigoted asshat. I try really hard.
But I think there must be something about me that gives the impression that it's okay to be a bigoted asshat around me, and as soon as I find out what that thing is, I'm KILLING IT. Because it is NOT OKAY WITH ME to do things like, for instance, telling me racist jokes and EXPECTING ME TO LAUGH. It is NOT OKAY to try and make me be complicit in your asshattery, and I'm motherfucking TIRED OF IT.
Please feel free to tell me what it is about me that makes people think that it won't bother me to be made complicit in other people's racist/sexist/classist/homophobic attitudes. I need to know, or I can't change it, because I don't want to be the person who attracts the asshats.
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